As someone who is almost exclusively attracted to men who are emotionally unavailable, I thought I’d save you the time, energy, and frustration and let you know that this excuse is complete and utter bullsh*t. Sure, people go through breakups and hard times or have trust issues, but when they meet someone who’s really special, they move on from it. Anyone who tells you they aren’t emotionally available is telling you one thing: they aren’t emotionally available to you. This is your cue to drop them and never look back.
For instance, the last guy I “dated” was completely unavailable. I met him right as he was getting out of a messy divorce, and I was more than empathetic to the fact that he wasn’t emotionally ready to get into anything else at the time. I was really into him, so I was willing to weather the storm and wait until he was ready. Our connection was so strong, so obviously when he was ready to start something new, it would be with me. Wrong. I kept sleeping with him for months, telling him constantly that I wanted more and hearing constantly that he wasn’t there. Things with us eventually fizzled when he moved to a different state, but I stayed in touch enough to hear that he was recently engaged to the girlfriend that he’d had for months, the girlfriend he had while simultaneously telling me he wasn’t ready for emotions! Clearly, there was more going on in this situation than just emotional unavailability, but the moral of the story is: he was ready, just not for me.
Anyone who tells you they aren’t emotionally available is telling you one thing: they aren’t emotionally available to you.
On the other hand, my ex and I had an especially awful breakup. Like a really, really bad one. He had every excuse in the world to shut off emotionally — drama, stress, mistrust, heartbreak. Instead, he had a new girlfriend almost instantly after our breakup, and they’re still together three years later. He wasn’t emotionally available until he met her, and just like that, he was. Anyone who tells you they’re emotionally unavailable is actually telling you the truth: they aren’t, and will never be, available for you.
Whether it’s them, your friends, your mom, or your therapist telling you this line, the truth is, everyone is emotionally unavailable — until they’re not. Every time you turn someone down because you’re not interested, you’re unavailable. You may, in fact, be busy, heartbroken, healing, etc., but if Idris Elba walked in and asked you on a date, you’d be ready. Or you’d make yourself ready really f*cking quickly because you don’t want to pass up a man like that. If someone is really into you, nothing else matters. If they’re giving you excuses about why they can’t give you everything you deserve, take the loss and move on. Seriously, keep it moving and never look back.